Downs and Ups

It's always so hard to remember what happened in the last week when I first sit down.  What I do remember is that parts of last week were rough.  For the first time I actually left my shopping cart full of groceries in the grocery store and just left.  I was carrying both kids in my arms, both of whom were crying.  I felt like we were making quite the scene.  I don't like to make scenes.  Earlier in the day I had talked to Tanya on the phone for a while because I felt like my kids were controlling my life and I just wanted to start the laundry and maybe go to the market.  But it didn't happen and I was frustrated.  So I cried, and talked to Tanya on the phone.  She consoled me that she's got the same failings as me as a mother.  So at least I'm not alone.

I just didn't know almost-4-year-olds would suddenly have a fierce need for independence.  I'm trying to pick my battles a little better.  And I'm leaning more towards enrolling Sam in preschool.  It's a mere $300 to $400 a month for 3 hours, 3 days a week.  If I do a co-op preschool it would cost less, but I'm hoping preschool will simplify our lives, not complicate, so I'm really not keen on the co-op idea.    

Anyway, we got home from Target about the same time Dave got home from school, so Dave took the kids back to Target, got the cart and paid for the groceries.  I talked to my mom and that helped.  I'm grateful for the very supportive people in my life.  When Dave and the boys got back Sam told me sorry and he will be obedient next time.

But I think that was Wednesday.  It was really nice to go to my voice lesson that night.  It was my last.  For now anyway.  Thursday morning we went to the zoo with Brittany and Megan and their kids.  I'm so sad I forgot my camera because they'll be moving soon.  I try not to think about it.  So Thursday was better.  It helped that we got out.  Friday was better too.  We got out a bit and did preschool that morning.

Saturday morning I went to Ashley Bair's baby shower.  It was fun!  When I got back from the shower Sam ran up and hugged me and said, "We got two presents for you!"  Then at dinner last night he said, "We got you a card and candy."  So since the secret was out, we decided to open them last night.  I just want to write down the things from the card.

It says:  Why I like Mommy-

Sam (dictated by him):  She does stuff for me.

She puts band-aids on my owies.

Helps me choose the right.

Reads books to me.

She loves me.

Takes me to soccer practice on Saturdays.

I sleep well sometimes.

Carries me.

Helps me feel the Holy Spirit.

Thomas (according to Sam):

Gets down his binkie.

Carries me.

Kisses.

Sleeps well.

David: (I don't think Sam dictated this part.)

She chooses to be a mom, even though it is hard.

Talking to here makes me happy.  (He really did write here, but I know what he meant.)

It was such a great card!!  Sam also drew a picture of him and me. The top line was part of the card, but the rest was by Sam.  I'm the apple-head on the left, Sam is on the right.  Sam said it was a picture of him trying to make me happy.

So is it worth it?  Yes, yes I think so.  

I've also been reading the book Believing Christ.  I really like it.  

"We generally say 'keeping the commandments' when what we really mean is 'trying real hard to keep the commandments and succeeding most of the time.'...Defined in this way, 'keeping the commandments' is both possible and necessary...."(p.45)

"A second common distortion of the doctrine of grace...is the view that the Savior extends his grace to us only after we've done all we possibly can do.  It would follow then that since no one ever really does all they possibly, theoretically could have done, no one can ever really be worthy of grace either.

"Brigham Young once explained: 'We all occupy diversified stations in the world, and in the kingdom of God.  Those who do right and seek the glory of the Father in heaven, whether their knowledge be little or much, or whether they can do little, or much, if they do the very best they know how, they are perfect...."Be ye as perfect as ye can," for that is all we can do, though it is written, "Be ye perfect as your Father who is in heaven is perfect."  To be as perfect as we possibly can, according to our knowledge, is to be just as perfect as our Father in heaven is.  He cannot be any more perfect than He knows how, any more than we.  When we are doing as well as we know how in the sphere and station which we occupy here, we are justified.' "

Finally, I want to record a few funny things from today.  Today Sam paid tithing.  After he sealed the envelope, I told him we should write his name on the envelope.  He said, "So Thomas S. Monson will know who it's from?"  

Also this morning Sam woke up first (as usual).  He told us later that he ate a cinnamon roll on a plate while we were still in bed.  Dave said, "It looks like you cleaned it too," since we didn't see any dirty plates around.  Sam said, "Yep, with my tongue.  I licked it clean."  

And last but not least, we usually read books with Sam and Thomas together before bed.  Tonight Thomas seemed willing to stay in Sam's room and sleep on the bottom bunk while Sam slept on the top.  It seemed to be going well.  30 or 40 minutes after we had left the room we realized that it must have worked because Thomas hadn't come out.  About 20 or 30 minutes after that I heard a few clicking noises coming from Sam's room.  We peeked in and there sat Thomas amid a pile of toys.  Apparently he had just been playing quietly for the last hour!  Funny boy.